I've started this post three times now and I keep getting side-tracked. Bright Eyes came on the iPod, so I had to go out and download the new Conor Oberst release, which took an hour because it's not officially released yet. Then, there's a Woot Off going on, so I have to check that site every 10 minutes, just in case some crazy electronic device comes on that will allow me to blog through osmosis while I sleep. I wish my dreams could be automatically blogged, that would be trippy, but only interesting to me. One of the worst conversations you can be involved in, is when someone says "I had this dream..." Unless you are Martin Luther King Jr., I could give two shits about your dream, and even then not so much. You know you are in for a good 20 minutes of nodding and smiling, while that little voice inside your head gets consumed with more and more loathing as each syllable passes through their lips.
Dreamer: I had this dream the other night.
My Inner Voice: Oh fuck me, here we go.
Dreamer: I was naked at work.
My Inner Voice: Wow, that's a new one. Next, you're going to say you were falling.
Dreamer: Then, for some reason I started falling into a vat of pudding.
My Inner Voice: My dream is that I shove my dick your mouth, so that you shut the fuck up!
Dreamer: When I got out I was naked at work again.
My Inner Voice: I really want to kick you in the baby-maker right now.
Dreamer: Then I started getting chased by this lady in Human Resources.
My Inner Voice: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Wow, my inner voice sure has some anger management issues, but those can be addressed later. Right now I need to center my thoughts and get back to the post. Mr. Myogi say, "Erik-san you stay focus. Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything." While I've never caught a fly with a chopstick, I have caught my chopstick in a fly. When I was five I had these red pajamas with a zipper that went from the ankle to the neck. Because I do everything in a hurry I would often catch the frank-n-beans in the mix, but thankfully I'm not a bleeder. I should have sued the pajama manufacturer, so they would have had to put a warning label on them.
Warning! External genitalia may become lodged in zipper. Please use caution when zippering through the danger zone.
¡Advertencia! Los órganos genitales externos pueden alojarse en cremallera. Tenga cuidado por favor al zippering con la zona peligrosa.
Holy shit! I was looking for a picture of red footed pajamas and I came across these beauties. As if the flames from head to toe weren't bitchin' enough, the little dog throws us a peace sign as if to say "ladies I am single and ready to mingle." I wonder if these come in an adult XL? Talk about instant panty droppers. I am so going to be dreaming about showing up at work in these bad boys tonight. (Note to self : Add flaming footed PJ's to x-mas list)
Back in the day Amy and I went to see Marc Price AKA "Skippy" from Family Ties at a comedy club. The deal was that you paid $4 to get in if you were wearing pajamas, $8 if you weren't. The bouncer was all serious about his job that night, because he gave Amy shit for wearing this terrycloth peach outfit. WTF? If you know Amy, then you can be assured that she wouldn't be caught dead in public dressed all in peach. To his defense it was the mid-'90's in Tennessee, which was like the mid-'80's in civilized parts of the country, so I can see how he became confused and thought that her peach outfit could be worn as business casual attire. If only she had the flaming footed jammies that night, she probably would have gotten in for free.
1 comment:
I am not sure about footies with flames on them. But you can find Footed Pajamas in adult sizes from several manufacturers.
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