May 2, 2012
I just chopped down half of the tree in my front yard using only a hatchet. I'd like to apologize to my neighbors who may have heard me yell "Bear Grylls can eat my ass" as the wood chips were flying.
May 7, 2012
My daughter told the pediatrician today that I don't always put sunscreen on her. Looks like tonight's bedtime story will be the children's classic "Snitches Get Stitches" by Ubetta Zippit.
May 11, 2012
I’m discovering that once you put on a little extra weight all jeans become low rise. I’m just waiting for the day when I bend over and feel the swipe of a strangers credit card.
May 13, 2012
Despite years of training I'm 99% certain that my kid would instantly get in a van with a stranger for a chocolate frosted Dunkin' Donut.
May 21, 2012
Listening to Asia's "Heat of the Moment" and pounding the shit out of this table at Five Guys. (This post has been brought to you by guys in their 40's who still air drum.)
May 26, 2012
Just watched my daughter eat an entire Costco hotdog in a record 34 minutes. By the time she took her last bite, she was sweating like Adam Richman at the end of a "Man Vs. Food" episode.
May 26, 2012
Just watched my daughter eat an entire Costco hotdog in a record 34 minutes. By the time she took her last bite, she was sweating like Adam Richman at the end of a "Man Vs. Food" episode.
May 29, 2012
I got to play my favorite traffic game today. This dude rolls up next to me at a long red light blasting "Your Love" by the Outfield. So I pull it up on my iPod and fast forward until it's just ahead of where he's at in the song, then I roll down my windows and let it crank. I don't think he enjoyed the game nearly as much as I did.
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