June 1, 2012
When my wife runs an errand and it takes longer than it should, is it wrong that my first thought is to do something to create a solid alibi?
June 6, 2012
My daughter threw up at 8 and was on her way to school by 9:30. She may only be 5, but I think she's ready for college.
June 8, 2012
My daughter and her friend were up talking until almost midnight last night. I didn't hear the entire conversation, but I think I heard one of them say that Judy Blume's "Forever" was way better than "Fifty Shades of Grey".
June 11, 2012
I've arrived at Otis Redding's old stomping grounds in Macon, GA. Unfortunately, I'm going to be busier than that lazy ass dude who just sat on the dock of the bay wasting time.
June 14, 2012
I just said to my daughter "You have to finish your pizza if you want to get ice cream.". It's not fun being such a hard ass, but someday she'll thank me for all of the tough love.
June 15, 2012
My daughter is graduating pre-school today, which is the first step towards medical school. Of course the second step is divorcing my wife and marrying an Asian woman that will provide the necessary academic discipline.
June 19, 2012
My kid started at a new school this week. She told me the first day was rough, but today got better when she figured out the best place to sneak a smoke.
June 26, 2012
I went to get a haircut and forgot that my kid put a sticker on me that said "You can do it!". After 20 minutes I left because it was taking too long, and I'm sure they were all like "I guess he couldn't do it.".
June 30, 2012
Power is still out, but at least I finally got an answer to the age old question "How does a blind person know when they're done wiping?".
June 30, 2012
Power might be out for several days. Looks like I picked the wrong week to store a dead hooker in my freezer.
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