Facebook in February

February 1, 2012
I plan on using my extra day of black history month celebrating the biting sarcasm of Roger's younger sister Dee from "What's Happening".

February 2, 2012
The wife is off to Florida until Monday.I think this might be a good time to teach my daughter the meaning of the word "trifecta".

February 3, 2012
Today is National Wear Red Day or as people employed by Target call it, Friday.

February 5, 2012
At the Super Bowl halftime show, I really thought Tebow was going to come out during "Like a Prayer".

February 7, 2012
Last night I had to explain to my daughter that we are living in a post M.I.A. halftime show world and she can’t just go around throwing up half a peace sign all willy-nilly anymore.

February 8, 2012
From the amount of noise coming from my daughter's room, I can only assume that she is making bunk beds so that she has more room for her activities.

February 10, 2012
Tailgating for Chuck E. Cheese's tonight, shit's about to get real for some suburban pre-schoolers.

February 12, 2012
I don't consider it a full Beach Boys reunion without John Stamos.

February 14, 2012
I thought I was being romantic by having 'our song' play as my wife came downstairs for breakfast, but apparently Digital Underground's “Humpty Dance” was the wrong song.

February 15, 2012
If my next status update is in Braille then you'll know my LASIK didn't go as planned.

February 18, 2012
Getting ready for 9:00 am soccer or as I like to call it, avoiding small talk with other parents by looking at my phone for 45 minutes.

February 19, 2012
I woke up whistling "The Dating Game" theme song, so naturally I've been calling my wife Bachelorette #2 and asking her double entendre questions all day. She said she was going to kill me if I didn't stop, so I changed it to Widower #2.

February 20, 2012
Last night I had a dream that I was struggling on the slopes because I only had one ski pole. That's definitely the last time I wear my LASIK goggles while sleeping naked.

February 20, 2012
I'd like to thank Amazon for warning me that Jackyl's tune "She Loves My Cock" is [explicit]. I was just about to put it on the mix tape I'm making for my Grandma's birthday.

February 21, 2012
I'm having lunch with my co-worker Ashley tomorrow. I'm going to tell her that I'm celebrating Ashley Wednesday. Then I'll give myself an internal high five.

February 22, 2012
My Niece texted me that the whole family is doing Brazilian for her birthday on Friday. I really hope she meant steakhouse.

February 23, 2012
Just caught my daughter singing Rihana with her eyes closed. I said you sing just like her except your eyes aren't swollen shut.

February 23, 2012
Clearly I haven't cleaned out the junk drawer in awhile, I just found a ticket stub for Seven Mary Three. I hope their lives have become less cumbersome.

February 28, 2012
A warning for all the parents out there looking to order "Puss in Boots", be careful of typos or you might end up with an entirely different movie. I learned that lesson the hard way tonight.