Lesson Learned

I posted my letter to the company last Friday, and because I included the company name at the end it was picked up by Google Alerts. Google Alerts allows you to put in key words, and whenever there is a news item or blog about those key words it gets picked up and sent out in an e-mail blast. Basically, I sent my blog to everyone in the company, the company that just acquired us, and anyone else out there who gets the alert. Wanna Get Away?




I write this blog for my own entertainment, and I often reveal details about myself and use language that are cool for my friends, family and complete strangers, but may be a bit awkward for co-workers. When I pass someone in the hall I'll wonder if they are thinking "Hey, there's that guy who watches the Adult Video Awards, farts in his office and asked his German teacher if she were on the rag." Not exactly the image that you want to project in a professional environment.

I guess it is what it is. Go ahead and add it to the ever-growing list of stupid things I've done over the years. If the Darwin Awards knew about all of my escapades I would be a perennial winner.

Here are a few of my proudest Darwin moments:

Dumbest Use of Scissors:
I wanted to suck on just the candy portion of my lollipop, so I got a pair of scissors and as I cut off the stick I also took off my bottom lip. I don't recommend this. The taste of blood really overpowers the sweetness of the candy. Plus, I couldn't whistle for a month.

Dumbest Use of a Jump Rope:
I wanted to learn how to tight-rope walk, so I tied a jump rope between my dresser and the closet door. When I stepped on the rope the dresser came crashing down destroying my right foot. I guess you can tell Barnum and Bailey that I'll be on the DL for awhile.

Dumbest Use of a Plunger:
I stuck a plunger to my chest and walked around my apartment. When I removed the plunger, my internal organs slammed against my chest cavity and I thought that I was going into cardiac arrest.
Mourner 1: Did you hear about Crawford? Such a shame. The dude plunged to his death.
Mourner 2: Really? Did he jumped off a bridge or something?
Mourner 1: No, he actually plunged to his death.
Mourner 2: What a fucktard!

Dumbest Use of a Suction Cup:
I took the suction cup off a nerf basketball hoop and stuck it to my forehead. When I removed the suction cup, it left a huge round hickey in the middle my forehead for a week. Nobody takes you seriously when you have a big red circle on your face. "Crawford, when are you going to apply for that home loan?" Not this week.

I hope you all had a good laugh at my expense. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to hiding under my desk and avoiding all eye contact.