I wanted to thank you for the many gifts you bring; cooler weather, great sports, Halloween and Cypress Independence Day. I was thinking with the first part of your name being “Octo” that you would be the eighth month of the year, but somehow you ended up in the ten spot. After further investigation I discovered that you used to be the eighth month on the old Roman calendar, but got demoted when January and February were added to the new Gregorian Calendar. (Thanks Wikipedia!)
You open with the internationally celebrated Cyprus Independence Day. I mean without Cyprus being a free and democratic society we wouldn’t have, hmm, ummm, uhhh, yeah, well at least it’s not Lesbos Independence Day, right? That place is full of lesbians, wait, that would be great. What I meant to say is fuck Crete! Hey, this isn’t an open letter to Cyprus, so let’s move on.
By the way, great job cooling off the weather. As all the women over 30, or under 150 lbs, break out the scarves, sweater sets and desk heaters, I am finally comfortable. Gone are the days of sweating like George Kennedy in Cool Hand Luke when my toe crosses the line from air-conditioning to the outside world.
October, you are truly a sports panacea. The NFL and NCAA are in full swing, the NHL starts this weekend and baseball is in the playoffs, making it possible for me to actually watch more than one inning without changing the channel. Plus, the NBA season is still a little ways off, so this is the only time during the year when I can actually enjoy ESPN. This reason alone makes you better than the other 11 months.
Finally, you close with Halloween, the second candy giving holiday of the year, but the only one without a dead guy coming out of a cave after three days and an over-sized retarded bunny. (I’ll save my Halloween appreciation post for later.)
In closing I want to say thank you October for being the best you, you can be. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take the “Fuck Crete” bumper stickers and flags off of my truck.
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