The Chief and Ryan’s Dad

There’s this woman at Maggie’s daycare that I call the Chief. I call her this because she reminds me of the Chief in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. She has that big potato head, shiny black hair, and she is always sitting in the same chair. If she can’t do it from her chair, it doesn’t get done. She used to be Maggie’s teacher, but now that Maggie has moved up a level, I only have to see the Chief when someone is out sick.

Yesterday, I went to pick Maggie up and they were all out at the playground, and there she was sitting on a bench. I’m not exactly sure how she got from the classroom to the playground, but that is another tale for another time. I say thank you and she just gives me that stoic, dead-in-the-eyes look. I expect that someday I will come to pick up Maggie and see that a water fountain has been thrown through the front window, and I will immediately know who was responsible.


Last week at daycare, the class of three year olds were all lined up ready to go outside and this smart ass ring leader looks at me with a shit-eating grin and goes “Hi, Ryan’s Dad”. I just smile and wait to get past the crowd. Then, he looks at me again with that wink-and-a-gun smirk on his face and goes “Hi, Ryan’s Dad”. I look at him kind of laugh and say “I’m not Ryan’s Dad”. Apparently, Mr. ring leader isn’t taking no for an answer today, he says “Yes you are!”. Then, this little girl behind him wants to get in on the action and she starts in on me, “Hi, Ryan’s Dad”. I tell them again that I am not Ryan’s Dad, and then the whole class starts calling bullshit on me. “Yes you are!’ “You are Ryan’s Dad!” “Hi, Ryan’s Dad!”. I’m totally getting heckled by the toddler mafia. WTF? I wanted to pull the ring leader aside and say “Listen kid, I’m Maggie’s Dad, not Ryan’s, but if you see Ryan’s Mom and she’s a total MILF, then let me know and I’ll be happy to play the part of Ryan’s Dad.”

That was my week in daycare drama. Next time I see the Chief on the playground, I will be sure to teach her how to dunk a basketball. And as for that little Hitler, I won't hesitate to give him a titty-twister if I can catch him when the teacher isn’t looking. "Say my name bitch, and it better not be Ryan's Dad!"