Tommy Used to Work on the Docks

I am usually a very decisive person, who wastes little time on research and data. I do not hang out in the grocery store aisle and evaluate products based on price and health value, I grab an item, throw it in the cart and move on. I don't stand at the deli and read the entire menu, I pick something I like and move on. Even when buying big ticket items, like TV's, cars and houses, I see what I want, buy it and move on. There's no regret, no debate, no flip-flopping, no wasted time, which is why my recent decision regarding my employment was so out of the ordinary for me.

In this economy where people are having trouble finding one job, I find myself with two. A Ménage à trois gone bad, where I have to choose between two lovers. Do I keep the Broyhill dinette set that I've already won or do I trade it for the mystery box? So there I stand, dressed in my Axl Rose costume, next to Monty Hall with that John Holmes silver microphone he uses, shoved in my face. The crowd is screaming, the lights are flashing and I am like a deer in the headlights pondering my next move. Dinette set? Mystery box? Dinette set? Mystery box? Having to make a decision I say "Fuck it Monty, I am going with the mystery box." (Crowd erupts with enthusiasm)

I may end up with a brand new car or I might end up with a case of Turtle wax. Stay tuned, we'll find out on September 15th, when I start my new gig. Worse case scenario, it sucks, I quit, and end up turning tricks in the park. I'm guessing there aren't a lot of overweight, middle-aged male prostitutes out there, so maybe I can fill a niche market. Besides, who wouldn't pay top dollar to have a nice set of hairy moobs smashed into their back as they spoon before drifting off to sleep?

I know you are all sitting at your computers, reading this blog, hitting the refresh button every ten seconds and praying for a new profanity laden rant to pop up, but I am on vacation next week, so no new posts until September. I know that I have been less than prolific with my posting lately, but come the fall I'm sure I'll have plenty to say. Before I go I will leave you with a final profanity laced rant about a guy who couldn't make a decision.

Amy and I had a layover in Kansas City on our way back to Denver and the flight was over sold, so they were taking names of volunteers who would give up their seat for a free ticket. We are second in line behind this classic Denver mountain ski-bum type guy. He has that unshowered, granola vibe and his skin radiates an orange oompa-loompa glow from being exposed to the sun and wind too often. The kind of guy who addresses everyone as "bro" or "dude", and always has his backpack on with a Nalgene water bottle hanging from it. Anyway, our flight is about to pull away from the gate and this guy won't just submit his name and take the free fucking ticket, he decides to negotiate like he's the goddamn number one NFL draft pick.

Mountain Man: Will you pay for my ride to Breckenridge?
Airline Employee: Sir we are only offering the free ticket.
Me (under my breath): Make a fucking call.
Mountain Man: Will you reimburse me for my lift ticket?
Airline Employee: I'm sorry sir we don't do that.
Me (in a whisper): Dude, make a fucking call.
Mountain Man: Will you pay for my hotel tonight?
Airline Employee: You just get a free ticket.
Me (slightly more audible): Seriously, make a fucking call.
Mountain Man: Hmmm, not sure what to do here.
Airline Employee: Sir the flight is about to leave.
Me: For the love of Christ make a fucking call already.
Mountain Man: I'll take the free ticket. Then he turns and says to me "Get off my back!"

And scene...

While I am out next week, please enjoy my new time waster, making famous Wii characters online. I got this idea from Paste Magazine, the best music mag. out there. They had a page of famous musicians as Wii characters, so I decided to try my hand at it. Here is what I came up with, I call him Geddy Wii.