The day we have dreaded is finally upon us. On Wednesday morning Maggie goes in for surgery to remove her cyst and part of the bone in her neck. Ouch! The weird thing is that she has no idea what is even in store for her. She’ll wake up in the morning thinking she is going to daycare and then bam! No breakfast, no morning routine, just whisked into the car, taken to the hospital and within an hour she’ll be prepped and ready for her procedure. It’s good that she doesn’t have to worry about it, and she won’t remember it as she gets older, but on some level that has to fuck with you a little bit.
Can you imagine if your spouse said, “Hey, I need to get something at Target, do you want to come?”? So you get in the car, and then they take you to a hospital, drug you and cut open your neck. The next time your spouse says “Hey, do you want to go to Target?” you’re going to be like; “Fucking nooooooo! In fact from now on I’m driving everywhere to avoid these little surgery games you like to play. I’m just glad you didn’t ask me to go to Dick’s Sporting Goods or I probably would’ve woken up neutered.”
On the upside, to make myself feel better for allowing a stranger to dice up my kid’s throat, I picked up an iPhone this week. If you need to alleviate any guilt for causing your kid’s pain, there’s an app for that. If you want to become more involved and actually assist the Dr. performing the surgery, there’s an app for that. If you want to see what the hot nurse looks like naked, well there’s no app needed for that, just a dirty mind, so I’m in luck.
Well, it’s about time for me to jump on the medical rollercoaster, I promise to keep my hands and feet inside the ride at all times and I’ll try not to vomit on the person next to me. Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to put on some Bob Marley and download the fast forward 24 hours app. ---
Can you imagine if your spouse said, “Hey, I need to get something at Target, do you want to come?”? So you get in the car, and then they take you to a hospital, drug you and cut open your neck. The next time your spouse says “Hey, do you want to go to Target?” you’re going to be like; “Fucking nooooooo! In fact from now on I’m driving everywhere to avoid these little surgery games you like to play. I’m just glad you didn’t ask me to go to Dick’s Sporting Goods or I probably would’ve woken up neutered.”
On the upside, to make myself feel better for allowing a stranger to dice up my kid’s throat, I picked up an iPhone this week. If you need to alleviate any guilt for causing your kid’s pain, there’s an app for that. If you want to become more involved and actually assist the Dr. performing the surgery, there’s an app for that. If you want to see what the hot nurse looks like naked, well there’s no app needed for that, just a dirty mind, so I’m in luck.
Well, it’s about time for me to jump on the medical rollercoaster, I promise to keep my hands and feet inside the ride at all times and I’ll try not to vomit on the person next to me. Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to put on some Bob Marley and download the fast forward 24 hours app. ---
Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the rising sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:
"Singin’, "Don't worry 'bout a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right."
2 comments:
Dude, hope all goes well.
-Chid
Will be thinking of you and looking for aps you might enjoy while sitting around the hospital. Hope it goes quick and smoothly and you all go home sooner than you think :)
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