Hit Me baby One More Time

What is going on peeps? I feel like I haven’t been getting the words to the page recently, but hopefully I can turn that around. The main reason is just a lack of material. I watch sports, I raise my kid, I work and that’s about it. All of those topics have already been covered here, which doesn’t leave me a lot of stuff to talk about unless I go all “A Million Little Pieces” on your asses, and that wouldn’t be too cool. Today I am just going to throw out my State of the Nation address, sans all the partisan clapping, and give some quick updates on the Life of Craw.

The Family – I have to give big props to the Mrs., because I’m still married, although I’m not sure how that is. I look at myself in the mirror and it’s just a horror show. Good thing chicks aren’t as superficial as men, or I’d be sleeping on someone’s couch trying to figure out how I was going to afford child support. I’ve applied a Survivor like strategy to my marriage. I’m the guy who works hard at camp, doesn’t rub anyone the wrong way and flies under the radar to win the million bucks. Like Sam Jackson says in Pulp Fiction, “Personality goes a long way”. Yes, it most certainly does.

As for the little one, she is showing signs of inheriting my antagonistic genes, and she’s learned the word “no”, which like most women, she says but doesn’t really mean. Am I right? Am I right? High five for date rape! I’m kidding, I’m kidding, date rape is way too much work, who wants all of that hassle when you can just as easily take care of your own business. Kleenexes don’t press charges, enough said. Wow, this paragraph took an unexpected turn at sweet daughterville and headed straight down felony lane into DNA Sample Township. Maybe we better move on.

Sports and Gambling – As I mentioned in a previous entry, I have entered the world of online gambling and it has become a little bit of an obsession. Before I get any further into this post I want to go on record as saying that the NFL owes me some money for last Sundays, Steelers/Chargers debacle. Fuckers! Anyway, I went 2 for 5 on Saturday and 1 for 5 on Sunday games, so I don’t think I have a bright future in the world of sports gambling. I may need to announce my tearful retirement at the end of the season. (But I’ll probably pull a Favre next fall)

Blackjack on the other hand is another story. I tried for weeks to stay out of the casino portion of the site, but the apple tree in Eden was just too much and I decided to take a bite. I won back in five minutes what I’d lost on football games all weekend and then some. Dealer has a 6 and I have an 11, double down bitch. Winner, winner, chicken dinner, can a Nigga get a table dance? Shake it up , shake it up, wooo, shake that thang!

TV – As bad as TV was this summer, it has made a solid comeback. Entourage, Californication, Dexter, The Life & Times of Tim, South Park, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Celebrity Rehab, Top Chef, How I Met Your Mother, Survivor, Amazing Race, The Office, The Daily Show, The Soup etc… My Tivo is in the zone, and working harder than a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader on CMT. Every night after Moo goes to bed its like Christmas opening up the “Now Playing” list and seeing what the TV Gods have left me. What’s this 27 Dresses bullshit? Amy, you gots some ‘splainin to do!

So that’s your Life of Craw update, hopefully some funny or annoying shit will happen to me this week, since I will be a single Dad for the next three days. Moo can you say “hit me”? Good girl.
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