Election

What a day. Who are you gonna vote for? Who will be the next great leader? Who will turn this whole thing around? Tracy Flick or one of the Metzlers? Carver High Schools future hangs in the balance. Sure, it’s been nine years since this movie came out, but Election holds up. Broderick delivers some of his best work since Ferris Bueller and Witherspoon is perfectly cast as the over-achieving perfectionist. I know you’re thinking, Crawford, WTF? Do you think you’re a movie critic now? Two thumbs up? Why don’t you take those two thumbs and jam them up your ass. Hey, hey, easy folks, I’m just blogging here.

I decided to grab a couple slices and a soda at lunch, and tune in to some election coverage on CNN. Holy shit, these 24 hour news networks sure are grasping to fill time. “Let’s go to Deborah in Florida, how are things shaping up in America’s penis state?”. “Well Chad, there was a minor hiccup this morning when the administrators went to a polling place in Tallahassee and someone had changed the locks. It took them 20 minutes to get them open. Haha. Then, in Boca Raton, one of the 24 machines went down, so now they have to fight through the day with only 23. I talked with several voters who let me know that they voted for either McCain or Obama today. One voter, a Mr. Wong, said that he’d been waiting a long time for erection day. Did I just say erection? I meant election. Oops! That’s it from down here, I won’t leave you hanging…Chad. Get it, hanging Chad, like in 2000, when the ballots had chads hanging, *crickets* Is this thing on?” This is the kind of inane banter went on for the entire 20 minutes I was at lunch.

Luckily, I avoided the Tuesday rush and voted last Saturday. The thing with absentee voting is that you have to declare a reason for voting early, and unfortunately “To avoid long lines and the pain in the ass of voting on a weekday” isn’t one of the options. I’m pretty sure almost everyone there lied on their absentee ballot, because none of the people I saw fell into the categories for early voting. Not me of course. I am officially working an 11 hour day today, including my commute, although I was tempted to check the box for “Confined to a jail pending arrest or trial”.

Me: Yes ma’am I’m voting early because I will be in jail awaiting trial on Tuesday.
Election Officer: What did you do?
Me: I lied on my absentee ballot in the primaries
Election Officer: That’s ironic
Me: Don’t you think? A little too ironic?
Election Officer: Yeah, I really do think
Me: Thank you for playing along with my stupid 13 year old Alanis Morissette lyric game
Election Officer: No problem, who are you voting for?
Me: You, You, You, oughta know!
Election Officer: I see what you did there.
Me: Yeah, once I get started I just can’t stop. One too many?
Election Officer: Probably
Me: Ok, I’m going to vote now.

I hope that everyone gets out there, votes, and has a great election day! If you see me and I have one hand in my pocket, then the other hand is probably distracting you from watching my game of pocket pool.