I was checking out the hotel, looking for the bar and other ammenities, when a woman stopped me and asked me to take her picture. Nothing strange about that, but the hotel has approximately 10 Christmas trees and she wants her picture next to the most welfare one in the place. Even Charlie Brown would have said "Dude, that tree fucking sucks, lets keep looking". Do you think that Chuck would say 'fuck' in real life, when he isn't doing holiday specials? I think he would, especially after Lucy jacked him up with the old football trick for the thousandth time. I digress.
So, I oblige her, but before I can take the photo, she says she wants to be holding her laptop and that the picture is for her mother. I can only assume there is an inside joke at play here, but she didn't seem like the inside joker kind of gal. She gave off more of the bat-shit psycho girlfriend slash stalker kind of vibe. Her first camera dies before I can get the shot, and of course she has a backup camera. See what I mean about the stalker vibe, who carries two cameras with them? I finally take a couple of shots and she goes on her way.
I was in the convention center yesterday people-watching as the hundreds of sales and marketing folks strolled by talking on cell phones, sending email on their Blackberry's, and talking shop with colleagues. None of this impresses or phases me, I am more interested in sizing people up, because deep down inside I am a 13 year old girl who is contemplating doing some cutting due to body image issues. Here is my personal assessment of folks based solely on physical appearance after three seconds of viewing.
Is that guy my size? Nah, he is way bigger than me. I bet that chick spends more time 0n her knees than a Nun on Easter Sunday. Dude, I know you think that scarf and artsy glasses makes you look sophisticated, but really you just look like, how should I say this without being too harsh, I know, 'Fucking retarded'. Really? An overweight brother with a blue-tooth headset in his ear. Shocker. Looks like somebody's cold. Wow, I thought that pony-tail guys were extinct, but I guess you proved me wrong. Is that a guy or a girl? It looks like she-he has tits, but that is clearly a mustache that a Mexican teenager would be proud of. Is that guy my size? Maybe. Lady, your business suit screams uber-bitch power broker, but your camel toe just says ewwww. There's the close talker I met last night, don't make eye contact. Look away! Look away! Whoa, if your skirt were any shorter you would need two hair-do's. XYZ-PDQ. Yo bro, I know you think no one's watching you over in the corner, but I see you going knuckle deep into your nose and then examining the treasure on your finger like it was the fucking Rosetta Stone. Mr. I think I'm the shit guy', could you talk a little louder on your phone so that everyone knows you're a douche. Hey grandma, it must get really annoying pulling down the zipper on your pants to adjust your bra?
God I love people-watching. Well, only a couple more hours until the sun comes up, I guess I'd better head out for my morning run. Yeah right!
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