1. The uber-smart physicist dude sent to save the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 on "Lost" isn't Henry Thomas of E.T fame, but rather Jeremy Davies. You may rememer Mr. Davies from such films as "Rescue Dawn", "Saving Private Ryan", "Spanking the Money" and "I Steal All of Henry Thomas' Roles". Can you tell which actor is which?
2. Pittsburgh Steelers Marketing Department Meeting:
Donny: Hey Ronnie, what do you think about doing a Santonio Holmes bobble-head doll with him in a suit holding up his jersey on draft day?
Ronnie: Donny, I love that idea. I think it will be a big hit with the fantasy football geeks out there, but you should put a hat on him to make it authentic.
Donny: I am also thinking of doing one of Cedrick Wilson issuing a restraining order to his grilfriend.
Ronnie: Brilliant!
I am on sale. Buy Me Here!
So real, your friends will ask him for autographs!
3. Looking Good for Jesus. This site has everything from a coin purse to lip balm, which claims it will restore your lips to near virgin quality. I asked customer service if you could use the lip balm on other areas, and she said her husband was a very happy man, so I ordered a case for Amy.
4. Pendejo - I always thought this meant asshole in Spanish, but after talking to my Dad's co-worker at a party, he told me it literally meant pubic hair. I know, we have some great conversations at family oriented gatherings in Delaware. It was like when Larry David was talking to Krazee-Eyez Killa on "Curb Your Enthusiam" a few seasons ago. I looked it up and apparently we are both right. The dictionary definition is pubic hair, but the slang is asshole or idiot. Kind of a strange transition for a word. I think in English I am going to try and take it back the other way. "Hey did you see that pubic hair cut me off?" or "Sometimes I feel like such a pubic hair."
5. I've seen "Step Up 2 - The Streets" 12 times, and I'm going again this weekend. Being a former popper and locker I was naturally drawn to the movie's hit single "Low" by Flo Rida. I wonder where he's from? The song just grabs you from the opening line "Yo turn the fucking beat on". You know it's going to be good if he's calling for the beat right out the damn box. "This is fear factor music you mother fuckers" Damn right it is! He is telling me this shit is tight, and I am soooo ready to get my robot on. Then BAM! No messing around with a first verse he dives right into the hooky chorus;
Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans] Boots with the fur [With the fur] the
whole club lookin at her She hit the floor [She hit the floor] Next thing you
know Shawty got low low low low low low low low
Ahh hells yeah I'm feeling this flow. But then the second part of the chorus comes in and I get a little confused.
Them baggy sweat pants And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps] She
turned around and gave that big booty a smack [Ay] She hit the floor [She hit
the floor] Next thing you know Shawty got low low low low low low low low
Shawty had on jeans and boots, and now she's got on sweat pants and Reeboks? Did she do a costume change like Britney Spears? Is he talking about two different ho's? When did sweat pants and Reeboks with straps become sexy? Does this girl have Downs Syndrome? The girl in my high school that had Downs wore sweat pants, velcro shoes and had a big ass. Is he talking about trying to get with a booga-booga chick? I think I even hear in a faint whisper after "low low low low low low low low " he says "IQ". Yo this shiz is whack! Flo Rida take it from MC Vir Ginia that joint is out of bounds.
6. Why does hair turn gray as people age? A few grays have been poking up in my beard, so I decided to find out why this happens. Apparently, each hair follicle has a finite amount of pigment cells, and when those are gone, you get gray hair. Also, treatment for AIDS can turn your hair gray. So either my pigment follicles have run out, or my underground career as a male prostitute in the late 80's has led to this aesthetic atrocity. Damn you Pedro Zamora, I told you we needed to use a condom!
7. "There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." This quote always bounced around in my head, so for whatever reason I googled it and guess who said it first? That's right Oscar Levant. Let's go to Wikipedia. Born in Pittsburgh, that's wierd. His tombstone has the line "I told them I was Ill", even weirder, because I always wanted to use that on my headstone. Either that or "Someone get a shovel I'm not really dead". I have a lot in common with this guy. What? No Way! He was an Orthodox Russian Jew too. Alav Hashalom.
8. "Road House" was on last night and the waitress looked familiar, so I looked her up and she is none other than Kathleen Wilhoite. Who? Yeah, that was my reaction too. She's done a lot of chick flicks and TV. Evidently she has one blue-green eye and one brown eye, which has always intrigued me a bit. Well I guess most people have at least one brown-eye but that's neither here nor there. Tangent Alert! Tangent Alert! If it's neither here nor there, then where the fuck is it? David Bowie has this different eye color thing too, which is freaky, I wonder why that happens. I am going to Google a topic while writing a blog about Googling topics. The play within the play begins...
Ok, it's not all that interesting, it has to do with the amount of melanin in each iris. People who have two different colored eyes have Heterochromia iridium, which is the scientific name for people with two different colored eyes. Fascinating. It can also be caused by Waardenburg syndrome which has symptoms like deafness, early graying of hair and constipation. So if the guy in the next stall strains without results, has two different colored eyes, gray hair and doesn't respond when you ask for more TP, he isn't being a pubic hair he just has Waardenburg syndrome.
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