Livin' La Vida Loca

Hi! Remember me? I used to be the guy who would post here 2-3 times a week. Production has been a little slow at Craws Words these days, and I blame the economy. I had to lay off several Oompa Loompas down at the factory, so I’ve been spending a lot of my time dragging fat German kids out of the chocolate river. Luckily, I have a lot of crazy events coming up, which means I should have a lot of blogalicious material to bitch, I mean, blog about.

Ok, let’s talk about the awesome new TLC show where an annoying couple adopts eight little people and then enters them into beauty pageants, it’s called Jon and Kate Plus 8 Little People in Tieras. In the pilot episode Kate bitches out Jon because he loses one of the little people in a pothole while crossing the road to get to the big Miss Bucks County competition. It’s called “Where’s Phil?”. Then, tune in next week, when one of the little people gets blown away at the beach and once again Jon is on the hot seat. It’s a very special episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 Little People in Tieras, titled “Where’s Sandy?”

I think I need my own reality show. Although, to get a reality show these days you need to be jacked up in some way. Maybe, as a family we could all amputate one arm and call it Six Legs, Three Arms. I could get all upset watching people clap at a concert. They could show Maggie trying to do Itsy Bitsy Spider. Amy could talk about how much she used to love to drive stick shift. Of course we’d also talk about the advantages. How much easier it is for us to spoon on the couch, and how we only had to buy two pairs of gloves for the three of us. We could also throw in some old comedy bits like: How do you get a one armed man out of a tree? Wave to him. Or we could be at a football game and the wave would come to a halt when it got to us. You know a bunch of PG rated shenanigans that somehow passes for funny in this dumbed-down society we live in.

Well, I better run now, I need edit the intro for our new show:

“Hi, we’re the Crawfords and we had voluntary limb removal to get our own reality TV show. You may think that we’re retarded, but hey, we’re on basic cable and you’re not. So who’s retarded now? We may have to do some things differently, and it may be a crazy life, but it’s our life.”