Facebook in August

August 30, 2011 at 9:40 pm

So can we tell Rebecca Black that she can’t sing, or are we still keeping that on the down low?

August 29, 2011 at 3:44 pm

Delivering two training sessions at the Pentagon tomorrow. I heard they love “Yo Momma” jokes, so I think that will be a good ice breaker.

August 28, 2011 at 8:42 am

The aftermath of hurricane Irene. The kitchen and liquor cabinet took a direct hit, but the only damage was to everyone’s liver.

August 27, 2011 at 9:56 am

Just walked past an Abercrombie Kids store, the three year old out front without a shirt on seemed a bit inappropriate.

August 26, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I really hope this weekend pays off so I can finally understand what the Scorpions meant when they said they were going to rock me like a hurricane.

August 25, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Is there anything cuter than a little girl sitting in a urinal?

August 24, 2011 at 7:38 pm

Steve Jobs is recommending Tim Cook as the next CEO of Apple. I bet his brother Han is going to be pissed.

August 23, 2011 at 4:46 pm

Note to self: Daycare providers don’t appreciate shaken baby jokes, even after an earthquake.

August 23, 2011 at 2:16 pm

(After the 5.9 earthquake hit VA) Looks like I picked the wrong day to host a Jenga tournament.

August 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm

A huge cicada flew into my car while I was driving. I quickly went through my list of defenses, run, make myself look bigger, play dead, but I went with flailing like I was having a seizure and screaming like a little girl.

August 21, 2011 at 9:30 pm

Kicked some field goals and played some soccer on Friday night and today I feel like I went 3 rounds with Clubber Lang. My abs haven’t hurt this much since I accidentally did a crunch trying to get off the couch while holding my laptop.

August 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm

This trip to Delaware is turning into a Lord of the Rings movie, it just keeps going and going with no end in sight.

August 18, 2011 at 10:59 am

My daughter is excited to go to the county fair tonight. I’m going to use it as a scared straight opportunity to get her to brush her teeth twice a day.

August 16, 2011 at 12:18 pm

In Baltimore for a conference this week. Should I act like a tourist and get crabs or should I act like a local and get some crack?

August 15, 2011 at 11:06 pm

I picked out my new license plate this morning. I’m getting SRLKLR on a Choose Life background.

August 12, 2011 at 4:35 pm

Single Dad for the next two days. Time to teach my daughter the art of the foot massage.

August 10, 2011 at 4:26 pm

In a bathroom at the Miami airport and I have a quick question for my fellow drug mules out there. Latex or sheepskin?

August 9, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Ahhhh beautiful Miami Beach, famous for its straight, overweight, white men in polo shirts and khaki shorts. I have a feeling I’m going to fit in nicely here.

August 8, 2011 at 2:56 pm

Off to Miami for work tomorrow. For the record I might shake my body, but under no circumstance will I be doing the Conga.

August 6, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Not a big fan of Winnie the Pooh, but the wife will probably make me go see the movie because she’s a Tigger lover.

August 6, 2011 at 11:10 am

Sometimes at the playground my daughter just wanders around like an anorexic tween at an all you can eat buffet.

August 5, 2011 at 1:07 pm

Every year I go to Redskins training camp and every year when I get there I immediately feel like Clark Griswold at the Grand Canyon.

August 5, 2011 at 11:46 pm

Saw a transgender shooting on the news and the interview was on Dix road. The only way it could have been better is if it was on North Dix road or “No. Dix Road” for short.

August 1, 2011 at 6:48 pm

I think we’ve been eating out too much lately. When we sat down at Red Robin my daughter told us the specials, took our drink order and tried to upsell us some apps before the waiter came.