Facebook in September

September 30, 2011 at 9:46 am

Off and running on a 16 hour work day. I can't wait to tell the kid I sponsor in New Delhi, who spends 14 hours stitching soccer balls, to suck it.

September 29, 2011 at 8:23 pm

I'm at Costco watching a guy return a 60" flat-screen TV, and it's like watching Vada at the end of "My Girl" yell “His glasses, he needs his glasses!”. You try to choke it down, but you just have to tear up a bit.

September 27, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Thanks to DWTS my daughter now has the scariest Halloween costume on the block. She's going as Nancy Grace's nipple.

September 24, 2011 at 5:30 pm

Thanks for all of the birthday wishes. Time to do a little stretching before squeezing into my size 40 "skinny" jeans. Nothings says I'm bringing sexy back, like rocking a sweet moose-knuckle. Ladies, my eyes are up here. (You're welcome for the visual!)

September 23, 2011 at 1:16 pm

I got worked by a mosquito last night It looks like I have "War and Peace" written in braille on my leg.

September 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

The circus is shaping up to be great tonight except for Creepy the Clown in the parking lot. I hope that was a horn on his pocket.

September 21, 2011 at 10:13 am

Circus tomorrow! So hard to say that without a sing-songy lisp.

September 19, 2011 at 10:26 am

‎"I can't believe we lost again!" Oh wait, it's Talk Like a Pirate day, not Talk Like a Pittsburgh Pirate day.

September 17, 2011 at 2:19 pm

Just saw some Amish girls at the Breezewood, PA Starbucks on Facebook...craziest rumspringa ever!!!

September 15, 2011 at 6:21 pm

I realized today that I've never heard the song "Ruby Tuesday" at a Ruby Tuesdays, but I have heard the Red Hot Chili Peppers at a Chipotle.

September 13, 2011 at 7:24 pm

Just walked to McDonald's for a milkshake, and contrary to what I've been told, when I got home there were no boys in my yard.

September 12, 2011 at 11:29 pm

I'm headed to Omaha, NE next month for work. Time to dust off all of my witty anecdotes about corn.

September 11, 2011 at 8:21 pm

Actually went to a party last night that didn't involve goodie bags or suspicious looks from soccer Moms.

September 10, 2011 at 12:16 pm

I hit an all time dining low today when I dipped a quesadilla into a bowl of queso. I think my family saw it as a cheesy cry for help.

September 8, 2011 at 2:24 pm

The kid is signed up for soccer, so operation “full ride to UNC” is under way. No pressure, but if she sucks then we go to plan B, operation “put yourself through community college by working at Applebees”.

September 8, 2011 at 8:31 am

It's National Kiss Day, so I went to work dressed as Gene Simmons. I think I misunderstood the holiday.

September 7, 2011 at 5:31 pm

Having the lights replaced in our bathrooms. The wife wants recessed lighting, but I'm thinking strobe lights above the showers and a disco ball above the big tub would be more interesting.

September 3, 2011 at 4:51 pm

Cranking some AC/DC in the car, I just turned around, pointed at my daughter and sang at the top of my lungs "Yooooou shook me all night long...". I'll take awkward father-daughter moments for $200 Alex.

September 3, 2011 at 9:06 am

I woke up this morning and did three sit-ups in a row. Of course I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express in Altoona last night.

September 3, 2011 at 7:01 am

Up at 5:30 am on a Saturday watching an early 80's Alan Alda movie, I'm pretty sure this is one of Dante's circles of hell.

September 2, 2011 at 4:09 pm

Signing my daughter up for tee ball. Based on years of watching America's Funniest Home Videos, I'll be wearing a cup at all times.

September 1, 2011 at 6:03 pm

I haven't done much prep for my fantasy football draft tonight. Anyone know where Brett Favre is playing this year?