Saturday Night and You’re Still Hanging Around

Saturday night might be alright for fighting, but this past Saturday night it was all about rocking out. I joined a cover band called the Herndon Thugs and we played from eight to midnight at Payne’s Billiards and Lounge. In fact we were so well received we ended up playing a special impromptu set on Sunday for all of the fans who didn’t get enough of us the night before. We tore through a set list that included everything from Duran Duran to Radiohead to The Killers. A lot of you might be thinking to yourselves, “Erik in a band? He is virtually tone deaf, has the vocal skills of Linda McCartney and his formal musical training ended with him playing ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ on the recorder in fourth grade, how could he possibly be in a band?” I’ll tell you how, through the magic of Rock Band for the Wii.

That’s right folks, I channeled my inner rock star for two days of peace, love and music in a basement in Herndon this past weekend. I started off the evening drinking my new concoction “The Crawdaddye” (Absolut Citron, Peach Schnopps, Mailbu Rum and Cranberry juice) Yes, it’s a foo-foo drink, but it’s perfect for sitting on the back porch on a warm spring day. Don’t judge me people! As the darkness descended upon us we put the little one to bed, mixed a few more adult beverages, did a shot of Goldschlager and the rock band was ready to get come out swinging. Then we all dropped some peyote and went out the desert to become a tribe of musical warriors. Oh wait, that wasn’t us, that was The Doors in that Oliver Stone flick.

For the next four hours we all took turns wailing on guitars, thumping the bass, pounding the skins and shrieking out the vocals to popular songs from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. As a general rule, when the entire family is eating pizza and wings at midnight on a Saturday to avoid the morning hangovers, you know it’s been a good night.

As good as the evening was, I would like suggest a few upgrades for the next Rock Band release.

1. A Keyboard. WTF? Without a keyboard you basically eliminate all Billy Joel and Elton John tunes and 90% of the hits from the 80’s. I certainly can’t run so far away without a keyboard. At the very least hook me up with a keytar!

2. A Cowbell. You just can’t give “Don’t Fear the Reaper” or Mississippi Queen” the justice they deserve without a cowbell. Besides I have the perfect look and musical prowess for cowbell rock. Is there anything sexier than a burly, bearded guy wearing sunglasses and a wife-beater while synchronizing his cowbell beats with pelvic thrusts? Of course there isn’t!

3. Backup Singers. What Motown song is complete without backup singers? At the very least hook me with a second microphone so that we can add an Oates to the Hall, a Ridgely to the Michaels and a Captain to the Tenille. Please give me the option to do a “Your Kiss is On My List” – “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” – “Love Will Keep Us Together” medley.

Finally, on the way home there was this car in front of us with two guys in the backseat wearing cowboy hats. The car was swerving a bit in my estimation, but the wife said that maybe my eyes were swerving because she didn’t see it. I told her that anytime it’s after midnight on a Saturday and there are cowboys packed into the back of a car, they’ve definitely been riding the Red Bull and vodka for more than eight seconds and singing “It’s Five O’ Clock Somewhere”.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go purchase some makeup, leather and spandex for the next Herndon Thugs gig.