What’s up with women and these product parties they have all the time? The old standard used to be Tupperware, but now they have parties for jeans, jewelry, purses, lingerie, make-up and even sex toys. Although, my wife never gets invited to the sex toys party, she really needs some sluttier friends. I digress.
Last night the wife came home from one of these scarily cultish gatherings with $40 worth of protein shakes. MFWTF? My wife is like 5’ 5” and maybe a buck-twenty soaking wet, which is exactly how I like her. I don’t want to come home from work and find her bench pressing the couch, roid-raging on our daughter and getting zits all over her back. It’s not like my wife even enjoys these parties, she just has a hard time saying no to people, which is what these organizations count on.
The thing that really sucks about these cults/pyramid schemes is that they pray on the naïve and use them to exploit their friends and family. Amway used to be the worst. These people would hold meetings at the pizza place where I worked, and they would give these motivational speeches like they were the goddamn coach in Remember the Titans. The people at these meetings would lose their shit. You could see in their eyes that they were totally brainwashed, kind of like the attendees of those mega-churches on TV. After witnessing a few of these meetings, the Manson murders suddenly started to make a lot of sense.
And surprise, surprise, my military career having, bible-thumping, everyone’s going to hell, Aunt used to sell Amway out of her home. She had an entire basement full of these totally shit products. Every time we visited we got to go into the basement and select something. Ooooh, what a treat! Thanks for the chocolate bar that tastes like an oompa-loompas asshole.
It just blows my mind that so many people have this need to belong so badly that they’ll participate in these scam-driven organizations. I hate to sound misogynistic, but it’s mostly women who buy into this bullshit. I’ve never been playing soccer and had a guy say to me after the game “Hey Erik do you want to come over next Tuesday I’m having a wallet party. It’s going to be great. Just us guys drinking beers, hanging out, and you can pick yourself out a nice new leather tri-fold for only $60.” You don’t see guys driving around in Cadillacs with company messaging all over them and a personalized license plate that says something clever like GR8SALZ, and if you do, then you know their douche-baggery is boundless.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put on some porn and crank up the volume to scare the shit out of these Mormon kids that just came to the door. It’s always a good time when you have adolescent kids dressed alike on bikes talking to you about the joys of finding Jesus with Jenna Jamison screaming "Oh God, fuck me” in the background.
1 comment:
When's the last time you played soccer?
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