Feeling a Little Peevish

Ok, we've already addressed my annoying habits back in the OCD entry. Now it's time to turn the camera outward and highlight the annoying things that others do. We all got 'em and they go by the name of pet peeves. Feel free to leave me a comment with your PP's, and don't say people who blog about pet peeves. If you are guilty of any of these, just know that I am not talking about you. I'm talking about those other people.

People over the age of 12 who wear clothes with cartoon characters on them.
I understand that you may have a nostaligic affinity for Tweety Bird, but do you really need to tell the world by wearing a giant t-shirt with his likeness on the front? Do me a favor, put down the giant pretzel, the cigarette, take off the jean jacket that is 2 sizes too small and buy something age appropriate. Thanks!

People who take their dogs everywhere they go.
Traditionally, this is an older woman, possibly a widow, who feels the need to take her under-sized, shake and piss dog everywhere she goes. You see her on the road in her huge Crown Victoria, doing 45 in the passing lane, hands at 10 and 2, dark sunglasses, and a big ball of fur on her lap. Then, there they are at the Home Depot with little fluffy in the shopping cart, and God forbid anyone gets within 10 feet of the yapper, it will snarl and snap, as the owner smiles and mutters "Oh fluffy behave". Yeah, great dog you have there, maybe she wants a little anti-freeze with her treats.

This peeve is not limited to the elderly these days, with the likes of Paris Hilton promoting little dogs and giant purses, this irksome trend has been handed down to the younger generation. Nothing screams shallow, high-maintenance attention whore, like a twenty-something carrying her little yipster in her purse on her way to the tanning salon.

People who put retarded bumper stickers on luxury cars
So I'm driving in the usual DC traffic and I come up behind this Lexus with a huge bumper sticker that says "You're just jealous the voices talk to me". Am I? Not only did this mongoloid buy the bumper sticker, they then proceeded to think it was soooo funny that they needed to put it on their $40,000 car. "Hey Frank, check out is this bumper sticker? Isn't it a hoot? I'm buying it and putting it on the Lexus as soon as we get to the parking lot. Sheila will die when she sees it. You know, because Sheila has schizophrenia. In fact I'm getting her one to put on her Mercedes."

Case in point #2. I'm on my way home from work and come up behind this huge, shiny, black Hummer and it has not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, but 6 of those round Marine logo stickers on it. Dude, I get it you're in the military. Thanks for protecting my freedom, but the stickers along with the "War Happens, Deal with It" t-shirt makes you look like a bit of a douche.

People who still write checks
It's 2008, you have two payment options cash or charge. Either get with the program or stay home. As soon as I see someone digging through their purse for a pen, I know I'm in for a painful checkout experience. They ask the cashier for the date, and then the cashier needs to see their driver's license and it's this whole ordeal. I was behind a woman the other day who wrote a check for a coke and a candy bar. Really? This is how you are paying for your $1.75 sugar rush? It will take you longer to pay than it will to consume your items. Here's $5 keep the change, just move along now.

People who pass gas on an airplane
As a guy I understand you have to let them rip sometimes, but you're an adult in an enclosed area. I was on a flight back from Vegas, and this guy next to me was busting ass every few minutes. I can't exactly get away from your cloud Pigpen, so how about a little courtesy? They need to add that to the pre-flight routine. "In the rare case that you are sitting next to a blatant flagellator, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Please place one over your mouth before assisting others. Even though the bag may not inflate, oxygen will be flowing and the stench of hot dogs and chili will soon dissipate."

People who can't order at a drive-thru
It's always a huge SUV with 6 kids in the back and it's like they've never been to McDonalds before. They pull up and stare at the menu for a good ten minutes, then the cluster F ensues. "Can I get a hamburger happy meal with no pickles and the X-men toy? Does that come with fries? OK. And I need a plain cheeseburger, happy meal with the Barbie toy." Then you see them turn around and talk to the kids for a few minutes before continuing. "I need a 6 piece nuggets, oh wait, I mean a 4 piece nuggets. Hold on can I change that Barbie toy on the Happy meal to an X-men toy? Do you guys have any hot dogs? Hmmm, how about a fruit parfait with extra granola. Oh you're out of parfaits. Ok, I want an iced coffee with two sugars. Then I need 3 double cheeseburgers, one with only ketchup, one with no onions, and one plain. We need 2 large cokes, 2 medium diet cokes and a milk. Yeah, that's it. Wait, can we also get 2 apple pies? Oh, cancel the milk." The line is now around the corner behind them, and of course they pay with a check, then at the pick up window they sit there, triple check the order and hand the food to each kid before driving off.

Or you get the reverse, when you get a drive-thru jockey who is fresh off the boat and only knows numbers and the menu items.
Me: Are the McMuffins 2 for $2?
Employee: 2 McMuffins
Me: No, are they 2 for $2?
Employee: 2 more McMuffins
Me: No. Just give me a number 2 with a coke.
Employee: 2 cokes
Me: Cancel everything I just ordered and let's start over.
Employee: That's $9.73 please pull around.
Me: Honey, please get my gun from the glove box.
(I'd like to dedicate this pet peeve to Herb Peterson inventor of the Egg McMuffin who died on Tuesday.)

People who compliment you just so they can talk about themselves
"Erik, that's a great shirt. It looks like one I bought for my husband Frank, when we were on vacation in Mexico last year. Have you ever been? It's great, we try and get down there every fall. I have these sinus infections and the sea air just clears me right up. And the food is just amazing, and don't get me started on the margaritas. I swear they make them strong down there, two of them and I'm dancing on the table. Frank doesn't drink anymore, but he carries me home when I get a little tipsy. Ahhh yes, Mexico is just heaven, those brown boys are delicious."














I'm sure I will think of a hundred more as soon as I publish this post, but I'm done ranting for now.

Have a good weekend, and Let's Go Pens!