The Week That Wasn't

What a shitty week.

Tuesday 02/12/08 3:50 PM
Cold and damp day, but nothing too crazy. I'm heading to pick up Maggie at daycare and as I am approaching the overpass to get onto the highway I start skidding. I'm slamming on the breaks and not stopping, I'm really going to hit this guy, then BAM! I slide into the BMW in front of me. Not too hard, but enough that it causes some minor damage. I'm starting to look for a pen, some paper and my insurance info, when BAM! I get drilled from behind. Well spank my ass and call me Charlie, I'm the meat in an automobile sandwich. We all get out and exchange info, when BAM! BAM! There's a 3 car pile-up in the lane beside us. Of course this is the one day when I left my cell phone at home, so I have no way of sharing my good news with anyone. Luckily, no one was hurt and the truck was driveable.

A couple days later I find out that Explorers have a frame that runs along the bottom of the truck and the guy that hit me twisted this frame. If they have to replace it, my truck will be totaled. A little fender bender and my big ass truck is toast. Of course it's not definitely toast, insurance has me in a holding pattern for a week now and they can't decide if they can fix it or not. So everyday I wait to get a call, but no one can make it because this guys on vacation, and this guy has back problems and this guy was abducted by aliens and given an anal probe and won't be in until Friday. Total pain in the ass. I just need to know if I am getting this truck back or if I need to buy a new one. The worst part is that I just paid off this truck and put $500 into brakes last month. Somebody just punch me in the nuts.

Wednesday 02/13/08 7:30 PM
Wednesday night! Time to do our 2007 taxes. Hey we had a kid, bought a house, we're talking big money no whammies. We'll at least make enough to pay for the truck. Click, click, click - here we go, bring on the Benjamins. Uh-oh Whammie, you owe money to both the state and federal government. How can this be? Surely, the box made a mistake, I should have gone to see a live person. Nope, we forgot that while Amy was out on maternity leave her short term disability checks weren't taxed. BOHICA! (Bend Over Here It Comes Again) Our bank account is going down like DiCaprio on that boat. What's the name of that boat again? Titanic. No that's not it, something big, something huge. Titanic. No that doesn't sound right, it had the big smoke stacks on top. Titanic. That's the one! God, I can't wait to get old and fuck with people.

Tuesday 02/19/08 7:45 AM
Normal day by Crawford standards. Get to work and make a little oatmeal, while the computer boots up. Settle in, rub my little Iranian figurine 3 times and open my e-mail. Hey a message from the CEO. What could it be? Bonuses? Raises? A trip for two to Puerto Vallarta? Nope, there was an offer from our competitor to buy us. Here we go again. I haven't been laid off in 5 years, I'd almost forgoten what it was like to speculate, gossip and worry about future income. I'm just glad that I didn't have any car problems. DOH! I mean I'm glad that we got money back on out taxes. DOH! I mean at least my syphilis cleared up by itself...DOH!

What a week. I haven't seen a raping like this since Jodi Foster in The Accused. I guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. This has been my away message at work for awhile now:

America's favorite Web Marketing Manager is closed for a few days. The Moose out front should have told you.

Who knows how this will play out, but I've been having a great time on the tilt-a-whirl for too long, I guess it's time I man up and get back on the rollercoaster. Let's just hope the park stays open for a few more months.

With all of my woes. All of my woes? What am I a 13 year old girl? "Dear diary it's me Margaret, With all of my woes, I just hope that Brian notices me after Algebra tomorrow" I digress. At least I still get to sing Maggie to sleep at night.

Maggie Rose, take me home
To the place I belong,
Sterling, Virginia,
near the Costco
Take me home, Maggie Rose