Kimmel vs. Silverman
Most of you have probably seen this, but if you haven't these two videos are comedic genius. Bravo Jimmy and Sarah, Bravo!
Sarah's Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rab5FU7UnWA
Jimmy's response: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drTgaE4oFXI&e
Stuff White People Like
This blog hits a little too close to home, as I identified waaay too closely with the list. If you don't like it you can pack up your stuff and move to Canada!
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
WTF?
Speaking of Canada, I saw this picture on a message board earlier today. I wonder if they have a Pens version for Amy.
Here's how I think the photo session went: Hey Steve, big game tonight eh? What are you wearing? Really? Wow! Fabulous! Maybe we should take some pictures before heading to the game eh? Stand by the fireplace, no this doesn't look right, could we go outside, maybe under that tree? Perfect, give us a little wave. Something is missing? Can you grab your bag and just let it sit by your left hand? That's a winner. Say "Go Leafs Go!" or should I say "Blow Leafs Blow!"
Kickin' Ass and Taking Names
http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/
My score was 22, based on a quick survey. I think my biggest problem would be stamina. I know the first 8-10 five-year-olds would be all upper-cuts and knockouts. Then it would get tough as I got tired or injured my strong hand.
Ron and Fez did a segment on this and Ron had a good point about intimidation. Once the first few kids get destroyed, you'd think that the rest would think twice about coming at you, and that gives you an advantage in the mental game. Or like the quiz inferred, you could pick one of the kids up and use them as a weapon. Problem with that is the kid probably weighs about 50-70 lbs and that could get tiring fast. Now if you could somehow rip a limb off and use that, I'm thinking I could easily get through 50-70 kids, unless the limb breaks.
If the kids start to use a swarm technique, I would start kicking like I was in a Chorus Line. I think my soccer background would come in to play here, because their heads are about the size of a size 4 soccer ball and I could just do full volleys. The problem is that all it takes is one kid to get through and grab a leg and then you're in trouble. This would add at least 5-10 more kids to the number.
Another option is to go all Muay Thai on them, where you pull their heads down as you bring your knee up and their face just explodes. I think my knees could take a lot of pounding before giving out. Much more than my hands or feet. You have to add at least another 10 onto my number using this technique.
So in summary, if I start with uppercuts, use intimidation, rip off a limb, start kicking like hell and finish with Muay Thai, I am in the 90-100 range before I just get completely exhausted. Now, this is only for average suburban white kids. Here is a breakdown by race.
Inner City Black Kids - 8
I think that black kids would be immune to the intimidation factor, and also more resiliant. Their mothers probably gave them more of a beat down than I could ever give them, so it would take a lot more to take them out of the fight.
Asian Kids - 27
The Muay Thai would be out the window, and their size would present a problem for me. Swinging that low would be awkward and open me up to injury. Also, my vision would be affected by seeing the same looking kid coming at me over and over again.
Hispanic Kids - 19
The speed factor would hurt me here. I think they would come at me faster and more in succession, thus lowering my number. Plus, the greasy hair would deflect my blows giving them enough protection to take me out more quickly.
Muslim Kids - 22
This is tricky. Not being able to throw rocks or use any explosives lowers their effectiveness exponentially. However, their cologne would get nauseating after the first few kids, and I could see myself catching my hand on a gold chain or two causing some damage.
I could go on all day about this adding in different variables, but this is a good place to stop. I think I've offended enough people at this point.
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