The Road Less Traveled

I know being middle-class and caucasian that I am obligated to make the trek overseas, so that I can impress people at parties with my exotic tales of world travel. (Said with clenched teeth and a clenched ass) "Yes, the wife and I went on holiday last year in Rome. The Colliseum was fabulous, and the food, well you know what they say... Mangia! Mangia!"

I've been to most of the major cities in the US, and a shit ton of podunk towns too, but when it comes to international travel, my resume is less than impressive. This comes up quite a bit, because I work for a multi-national company, and on a daily basis I interact with people from Poland, Sweden, Finland, Argentina, Russia, France, Germany, China and the UK.

Here is a typical lunch conversation:
Co-Worker1: I was scuba diving in Thailand last summer and got stung by a jellyfish
Co-Worker2: Yeah, we did that a few years ago and it was amazing
Me: I went to Niagara Falls when I was a kid. *Crickets*
Co-Worker3: It's going to be a long week, I need to go to Shanghai on Tuesday and then Paris on Thursday.
Co-Worker4: Shanghai, uggh the food there just did not agree with me.
Me: I went to Tijuana about 10 years ago.*Crickets*
Co-Worker5: Be glad you're going to Shanghai, I have to go to London...Again!
Co-Worker6: Ok, I can tell you all now, that I am moving to South Korea in the fall.
Me: I'm going to Pittsburgh this weekend. *Crickets*

The problem I have with foreign travel is three-fold.
Excuse #1 - Language. I know most people speak English in Europe, but the hassle of navigating menus, streets, and everyday needs seems daunting. I know basic words in German and French so maybe I could get by, but it just seems like a big pain in the ass.

Excuse #2 - Long Flights. I can do 4-5 hours, but after that I start getting stir crazy, like Chuck Norris wanting to do some round house kicks to peoples faces, stir crazy. Plus, now we have Maggie, and if a long flight sucked before it would be majorly sucky now. I would need to smuggle a lot of Benedryl on the plane to get her across the pond and back. However, when Maggie gets older and with TV becoming more available on trans-atlantic flights, I think I may be ready to get past this barrier, although it just seems like a big pain in the ass.

Excuse #3 - Is it really worth the thousands of dollars to see a bunch of really old shit in person? Wanting to be cultured and actually being cultured are two different things, and the difference for me has a lot to do with cost. Hey, there's the Eiffel Tower take a picture, ok that cost me $2000, I could have just Photoshopped it and saved myself a big pain in the ass.

If you haven't guessed by now I'm no Magellan and I hate being hassled, but there's still time for me to get my Europe on. Although, it will probably be the Rick Steve's version, and not the "Eurotrip" adventure it could have been in my 20's.






Mi Scusi!

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In case you were wondering I actually do have a less than impressive international travel resume, check it out:

International Travel Resume of
FREDERICK WILLIAM CRAWFORD JR.
Erik_Crawford7@hotmail.com

OBJECTIVE:
To travel to various continents, so that I can impress people with my first hand knowledge of the world’s great wonders. (By wonders, I mean opium dens and brothels)

Destinations:
Niagara Falls, Canada - 1982
-Watched a bunch of water go over a cliff
-Opium den turned out to be a bunch of guys smoking hash and watching curling
-Saw a bunch of Canadians

Tijuana, Mexico - 1998
-Haggled for Dominoes
-Donkey show was closed for repairs
-Saw a bunch of Mexicans

Europe - ???
-Someday (If it's not too much of a pain in the ass)