November 30, 2011 at 8:18 am
Pregnant with baby number two!!!!! We are very excited and can’t wait to see how this life changing event unfolds. So happy for Kourtney Kardashian.
November 27, 2011 at 8:29 am
Some of you may have heard about our family's tragic news, my daughter saw a bug this morning. We think she's going to make it, but thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
November 26, 2011 at 11:01 am
Undefeated in the 10 yard dash at the playground today. Kicking ass and taking names. Better luck next time; Caitlyn, Parker, Tatum, Mackenzie and Madison.
November 25, 2011 at 7:19 pm
At the lighting of the Xmas tree in Reston, VA. To take part in this Norman Rockwell wet dream, break out your best Gap sweater and remember there's a two kid minimum.
November 25, 2011 at 3:43 pm
I used to think I had a cool, hip wife, then I found out that she’s been to Michael’s three times today.
November 25, 2011 at 12:51 pm
If I end up going to the Bob Seger concert tonight, I am going to slow dance the shit out of “We’ve Got Tonight”, middle-school style.
November 24, 2011 at 1:13 pm
Every year at my in-laws we play a game after Thanksgiving dinner. This year it’s my turn to choose, and I’m going with spin the bottle. I just hope that my father-in-law doesn’t taste like gin and cranberry sauce.
November 23, 2011 at 3:44 pm
My daughter is the only kid in the family under the age of 22. She is going to be the poster child for the saddest Thanksgiving Kid’s table of all time.
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Bad News: I hit a possum on the way home last night. Good News: My company potluck is today. Hello silver lining.
November 21, 2011 at 8:12 pm
With the holidays fast approaching it’s time to check on my two New year’s resolutions:
- Eat a vegetable other than a potato
- Befriend a midget so that I can obnoxiously go around yelling “Say hello to my little friend”. Damn, it looks like I’m 0 for 2.
November 20, 2011 at 10:05 am
It’s been awhile since I woke up with a club stamp on my hand. I think the last time was when I got a free t-shirt at Club Vandersexxx in Amsterdam.
November 19, 2011 at 7:33 pm
Just updated my resume to include creating kick ass iPod playlists to my list of skills.
November 19, 2011 at 11:41 am
I’ve been styling my chest hair for an hour already. That can only mean one thing…It’s Super Diamond Saturday.
November 16, 2011 at 8:54 am
I’m totally jealous of my daughter because she can get her entire hand all the way to the bottom of a Pringles can.
November 15, 2011 at 9:11 pm
My buddy has been waking up at night screaming from the explosions in his head. Sadly, he’s not a vet with PTSD, he just plays Call of Duty waaaaay too much.
November 15, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Today is “I love to write day” so here is my Haiku:
I love to write day
Makes me want to celebrate
I hate to read day
November 14, 2011 at 4:09 pm
When my daughter was 2 she had a cyst taken out of her neck leaving a small scar. What I will be telling her future boyfriends is that she had her Adam’s Apple removed because we always wanted a girl.
November 13, 2011 at 8:33 am
The wife turns 40 today. I overheard her on the phone last night telling her sister that all she wanted for her birthday was a big black clock for her entry way. At least I hope she said clock.
November 12, 2011 at 10:53 am
Checking out some roller derby tonight. I just know that I’m going to feel so under-pierced.
November 9, 2011 at 9:21 am
Piano bar with my company tomorrow. I’ve been working on my pick-up lines: “Hi, my name is Paul and I’m a real estate novelist. Have any of you ladies seen Davy?
November 8, 2011 at 4:33 pm
The Duggar family announced that they are having baby #20. I know what my turtleneck sweater looks like after I’ve worn it 20 times, so I can only imagine…
November 7, 2011 at 11:15 am
Every time I complimented my daughter last night she took off an article of clothing. I had to convince her that just because a guy says you look nice doesn’t mean you immediately take off your skirt.
November 5, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Mike Shanahan and his family were at the table next to us during lunch today. I’m not saying that the guy needs to give the tanning bed a rest, but at first glance I thought he was Elmo.
November 4, 2011 at 12:22 pm
My daughter always cheats at Uno. I tried explaining that she’s only cheating herself, but she was too busy doing crotch chops and yelling” I’m the best and you’re the rest”.
November 3, 2011 at 3:29 pm
My daughter is excited to start her pageant career, but I had to explain to her that “pooping like a man” doesn’t qualify as a talent.
November 1, 2011 at 6:18 pm
Best part of my day was realizing that I still know every word to the fast part of
“Hook” by Blues Traveler.
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