Blinded By The Light

On my way home I was listening to the radio and they were talking about movies, TV shows or books that traumatized you as a kid. So here are a couple that come to mind.

The movie that traumatized me the most growing up was Invasion of the Body Snatchers. If you haven’t seen the movie, the premise is that aliens plant these pods and they grow a clone of you when you sleep. Then you die and your clone becomes part of society until all of the humans are gone and only clones remain.

Apparently, my baby-sitter felt this was perfectly appropriate viewing material for a seven year old. As much as I love Donald Sutherland, to this day I don’t want to get with 100 yards of him. Although, it’s a toss up as to which is more traumatizing his screech at the end of the movie or his bare ass in Animal House.

The TV show that scarred me the most as a child was Little House on the Prairie. There was an episode where Mary Ingalls wakes up in the middle of the night and she is totally blind. She wasn’t kicked by a mule, she didn’t fall on a rake, she didn’t masturbate too much, that I know of, she just went blind for no good reason at all.

As a kid, I was like holy fucking shit you can just go to bed all la-dee-da-dee and then wickety-wack, you’re blind? She just woke up and started screaming “Pa! I can’t see! Pa! I can’t see!”. A couple of weeks later I woke up in the middle of the night and the power had gone out, so I started screaming “Pa! I can’t see! Pa! I can’t see!”.

Finally, I will leave you with my embarrassing moment of the day. I was meeting Amy at Chili’s for lunch and I was a few minutes early, so I decided to fix the driver seat in our car. It had become difficult to move back and forth, so I sprayed some WD-40 onto the tracks. As I got out of the car I smelled my fingers to see if they had WD-40 on them. I looked up there was this hot young chick in her car who gave me the biggest “I can’t believe you just did that, you disgusting pig!” look of all time. I guess from her point of view it looked like I reached down between my legs and then got out of the car and took a big ol’ sniff. I wanted to yell at her “I didn’t scratch-n-sniff!”, but figured that would be even creepier.

Does this shit happen to other people or just me? Well, if you’ll excuse me I need to go wash this misguided judgment off of me and try to picture something other than Donald Sutherland’s crack. Here's a picture of Mary Ingalls for you. I can't tell if she is blind here or not, because she pretty much wore that retarded grin on her face for the entire series.