Just Say No to VD

I’ve never been a big Valentine’s Day guy. I don’t think that many guys are, but society (flower shops & candy retailers) and Hallmark dictate that you must be romantic on February 14th every year. Doesn’t the idea that you have to be romantic on a certain day seemingly take the romance out of it? I get it if you are dating and still basking in the glow of that new love phase, but after 13 years of marriage, buying several homes and cars together, then you throw in the kid deal, and it’s pretty obvious that there is a level of love and commitment involved that goes beyond flowers and candy.

I think my dislike of the holiday actually started in elementary school, when in one of the biggest dick moves of all time, I changed the wording on all of my valentines from things like “Be Mine” to “I don’t want you to Be Mine” or “You’re cute” to “You’re not that cute”. My teacher was less than impressed and the girls in the class were pretty pissed, so I had to redo all of my valentines and give them out again the next day.

When you’re a nine year old boy, doing valentines is brutal the first time, but to have to do them twice was an unusually harsh punishment in my eyes. Instead of actually buying new valentines, I went home and wrote the most trite, piece of shit poems and gave them to all of the girls in my class. So not only did they not get regular valentines, they had to suffer a second emotional raping by reading my incredibly gay and completely insincere words. Ladies of Har-Mer Elementary circa 1981 I truly apologize for my grandiose dickishness and brash douchebaggery.

Luckily, my wife has agreed to forego many of the Valentines Day festivities as long as I agreed to give up the March 14th celebration of Steak & Blowjob Day. It was a tough call, but I think that not having to deal with the hassle of Valentines Day outweighs the glory that is Steak and BJ Day.

Cheers Bitches!